everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
