But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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