i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
