wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
