Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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