I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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