i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize