Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
