I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
