DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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