Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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