Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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