Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
