I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
