i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
