My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize