Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize