who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Holy sore nipples Batman
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
