you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
