happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize