Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
