I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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