I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
