Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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