I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
