I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
