I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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