About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
