I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
