obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
