if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
