If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
