Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
