yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
