I need help removing her.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
