He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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