The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
