Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
