the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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