Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize