Swine flu. Run for my life!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
