MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
