i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
