i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
