ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
