It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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