Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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