Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
