Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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