You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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