Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
