Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Randomize
