I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
this hospital has no fireball
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
