smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
