the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this will be a night to untag.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
