Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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