Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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