OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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