I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
