He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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