Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize