If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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