A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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