You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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