Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
