he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
