I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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