So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
