even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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