I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
