Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
