i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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