I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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