I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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