He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize