I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
