saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
foreskin is a definite game changer
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
