the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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