She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
